19 days. I've been a mother of four exactly 19 days. I have to admit that I thought life would be like riding a ten speed at this point. A few gear changes... up hill... down hill... familiar terrain. After all, I am six years into this mothering thing and over nine years into this marriage thing. And as I venture into this 19th day... I realize this is no ten speed and the terrain is not the same.

I have often thought God must be crazy to allow me to mother yet another child. Is he laughing up there? Not in an evil bwahahaha!!! sort of way, but perhaps a little light-hearted chuckle? And, no, I am not riding a blue Huffy ten speed. Maybe it's a three-wheel, beat up tricycle I'm pedaling these days. Yes... that's a better description. I want to be better and further along on my path. An expert cyclist. The Lance Armstrong of mothering!! That's it. All I want is to be the champion of my field. Is that too much to expect?

Ummm... YES. To answer my own question. A resounding YES. Who could possibly wield a ten speed while changing a diaper that suddenly turns into a poop-spurting-mama's-arms-potty-in-the-air assault? I'm good, but I'm not that good.

I am churning my legs like crazy on my tiny trike - just like my kids have done. I've giggled in joy and amusement as they've learned to push the pedals and effectively move forward. Some days it was just too much work for them, so they Flintstoned it. Some days they cruised right along. Many times they fell over and didn't even want to get back on. Just like me. I have moments when I think things are going well, moments when I think I want to quit, and moments when I need someone to pick me up and give me a gentle push.

As humbling as it may be, I am a little girl in the Kingdom. I haven't reached the zenith of maturity in pretty much any respect. God is still teaching me how to pedal and that He can move me forward, He can pick me up and He can give me a gentle nudge in the right direction. I want to be content... I want to be okay with not having "arrived" at the Tour de France of mothering. (Can you compete on a tricycle?)

I know that God has me at this place for a reason. I know that every season in life has a purpose. Now, if I could keep my eyes on what lies before me instead of staring down at these blasted pedals that not only move me, but can also trip me up... well, I might really be getting somewhere.

Here's to hoping for gentle nudges and strong arms that pick me up when I fall and cannot muster the strength to climb back into the sometimes uncomfortable seat life lends.